My Date with Sam

August 14, 1999

Madison, WI

Names have been changed to protect the innocent.

At 5:10, I left my house and began walking towards State Street. I was hoping Sam remembered we had planned on meeting at Amy's Cafe. We were both pretty drunk when we made the plan last Tuesday.

I secretly had a crush on Sam. I figured he probably had an attraction to me also, but I felt funny about pursuing anything because of my age.

More recently, he had also developed a crush on one of my girlfriends. It seemed we both understood that any attraction to one another would probably be best left unspoken.

I was supposed to meet him at 5:00. Or was it 6:00? I think we said 5:00.

I walked into the bar. He wasn't there. I felt more or less indifferent.

It was happy hour. I only knew a couple faces at the bar. There wasn't anyone there who I really wanted to talk to. I just wanted to get drunk - with or without Sam.

I decided I would call him. As I was picking up the phone, I saw him pull up to the bar on his scooter.

I remember thinking that he looked more dressed up than usual. He had an unassuming cool look about him, with his wildly curly dark hair. I loved Sam's hair.

I greeted him at the door. It was almost awkward because although I considered him a friend, we had never planned an outing together.

I was also becoming paranoid that there still was an outside chance that he didn't remember making these plans. Maybe he wasn't even really here to meet me. Maybe he was here for some other reason.

I asked him, "do you still want to eat dinner at Nadia's?"

He replied, "yeah. I can't wait!"

My paranoia left.